Paramdam ni Randall

I would always tell Randall na magparamdam naman sya kasi namimiss ko na sya. Indeed, he never failed. For the past 3 weeks, I dreamt of him twice and the dream was VERY, VERY VIVID. Diba may mga dreams na pagkagising natin, di na natin maalala exactly yung nangyari but we know we had a dream. And there are a few that we could recall over and over again, even to the dream's smallest detail. Randall made sure he'd go for the latter type.

The first was the night of January 24. He wore an orange shirt. Pinipilit ko sya na magharana sya but he couldn't kasi parang nagmamadali siya nun. But I saw his smile... that very unforgettable smile. He said he had to go and I saw in his face that he felt sorry about having to go. But he sent me a letter. A long handwritten letter. I clearly remember 2 main ideas of the letter: 1. na sana siya na lang daw si Karlo ngayon... and 2. that he loves me... In the end he wrote a big I LOVE YOU.

The 2nd dream happened last night, February 6. He was again wearing an orange shirt. It happened in a very surreal setting. I said I love you, he said "I love you too."

Randall is one major reason why I'm not afraid of death anymore. I would always picture myself during my last breath na andun siya at siya ang magsusundo sakin. I know and I feel that wherever he is now, he's happy and even though masakit pa din yung pagkawala niya for all his loved ones whom he left behind, we, or I personally, am appeased already by the fact na OK siya sa kinaroroonan niya ngayon and he's at peace.

Almost 4 years passed already, sobrang bilis... I was able to move on but I admit that the pain of longing for his presence is still here.

I miss you so much Randall...
You know that you will always be my first love...
I love you...